Just to get something up this week:
Usually I get a compliment or two a week about my mustache, from random people on the subway or the writers in Columbia Heights who now know me as “Dakota” (again). The guy I beat in poker last week in Clarendon hates my mustache, but I don’t know why.
Anyway, all of that is fine, however, some people have made some mustache mistakes in my presence. And while this small clarification won’t correct them, it will help ease some of my personal pain.
This is not a pedostache.
A pedostache can have several different styles but it never goes below the upper lip. I’m also not sure when a mustache crosses the line into becoming a pedostache. Some would say its a matter of a lack of regular grooming, however a pencil mustache takes a bit of time to fix.
People seem to just like to characterize a pedostache as a mustache that they don’t like, but that is a lazy and careless decision to make. Also, if you tell someone they have a pedostache and it turns out they’re not a pedophile at all, just a regular kind of person, you’ve made an enemy for life.
And besides, I’m not even sure if pedophiles have these mustaches anymore. They’ve adapted and assimilated. No more mustaches, no more ice cream trucks. The new pedophile just wears a bear costume all day.
This is not a fu man chu.
The fu man chu mustache goes below the chin. Sometimes well below the chin. If the mustache stops at the bottom of the face, then it is actually a horseshoe mustache.
This should be easy to figure out after the first time you’re kidnapped by a Chinese biker gang.
This is not a mustache.
It’s just a card with a mustache drawn onto it.
It’s not even mine. The mustache belongs to Mike Piazza, or probably somebody else in the “Famous Old Timers” mustache game deck.
Culture Time 