As a student of scientist, it is our job to develop and assist with cutting edge research in our field, which for me is environmental science, but nevertheless I have branched out for about ninety seconds this evening to synthesize what may be my very first breakthrough, a publishable maxim that can be appreciated by all:
ONE: DORMAN’S LAW OF DRUGS: DRUGS CAN NEITHER CREATE OR DESTROY IN THEIR ATTEMPT TO ADJUST IMBALANCES IN THE BODY. THEY CAN ONLY TAKE FROM THE FUTURE AND GIVE TO THE PRESENT.
Some pertinent examples:
Coffee takes about two hours worth of energy from your future and gives it to you in the present.
Alcohol takes about two hours worth of anxiety from your present and displaces it so you incur ‘anxiety’ debt in your future.
Chocolate takes two hours worth of libido from your future and gives it to you in the present.
Ecstasy takes all the happiness you are ever going to have for the rest of your life and gives it to you over the course of about 12 hours.
(precise measurements and amounts tbd)
TWO: THIS LAW DOES NOT GO INTO EFFECT UNTIL YOU ARE 23.
That’s all I got for 12:50 am.
-Dakota McKee
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