Top Ten Grovers
By Aaron Dorman
The budget crisis is a big issue in the news today, and one of the most prominent players is tax reform lobbyist Grover Norquist.
Is Gover’s tax pledge good or bad for the country? Erroneous! His name is Grover. That is the important thing.
The name Grover means “the great teacher” in Sanskrit. In England, however, the name refers to people who work in groves. It is a cognate with the German “Gruber.”
Here are ten of the most prominent Grovers in modern history.
10.Grover Underwood- A satyr and comic sidekick in the “Percy Jackson” young adult series of novels, none of which I have read.
9.Grover Lowdermilk- baseball pitcher who played nine seasons and won 23 games for 5 different teams from 1909-1920. In 1919, he was traded straight up for Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, a much more famous and interesting player.
8.Grover Krantz- a professor of anthropology at Washington State University, and a proud believer in Bigfoot. Co-subject of the never-published, nonexistent play “Grover Krantz and Guildenstern are Dead.” By the way, Bigfoot is also nonexistent. Sorry Grover.
7. Grover Norquist- leader of Americans for Tax Reform. He’s also an amateur comedian, having participated in the charity event “funniest celebrities in Washington.” Whether that speaks to his surprising sense of humor, or Washington’s surprising lack of comedians, is up for others to determine.
6. Grover’s Bar and Grill- cash only and kid friendly.
5. Grover Washington Jr.- A pioneer of the smooth jazz genre. That makes him cool.
4. Hans Gruber- Not quite a Grover, not quite a terrorist. But definitely a memorable villain. He had a good sense of humor. Just like actor Alan Rickman moved from stage to screen, Gruber moved from theft to kidnapping just in time to fall to his death. “A Good Day to Die Hard”, coming soon to a theater near you.
3. Grover Cleveland- Our 22nd and 24th President of the United States. Amazingly, this was the same person both times. He was President at a time of our nation’s history that nobody really knows much about. Wikipedia says he was head of the “Bourbon Democrats”, and in fact he was the only Democrat, Bourbon or otherwise, to be President from 1861 to 1913. An accomplishment Grovers worldwide can take pride in.
2. Grover Cleveland Alexander- A baseball legend, pitcher Grover Alexander won 373 games (third all-time) and lead the league in ERA five times. He did this largely for two teams, the Phillies and Cubs, who have historically been terrible. I only mention this because I have a personal bias against the Ph illies.
1. Grover Monster- Adorable blue puppet given life by Frank Oz. The lovable monster educates kids and sings songs, including a famous psychological reflection about his reflection. Whether “Super Grover” counts as a different Grover entirely is open to debate.
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