Yahoo Vs Dakota

Dakota says:

It’s time someone took on one of the heavy hitters of the liberal media: Yahoo! news. I can’t look at my mail without looking at Yahoo! news, and every time it makes me upset and ruins my day. Sometimes it ruins my day over a dozen times, when the mail runs heavy.

Yahoo? Boo hoo!

So its time to fight back. It’s time to balance out the mistakes, distortions, and outright lies put forth by Yahoo. Below is a counter to every “article” yahoo has running on its front page for me (rumor has it that fancy algorithms cater to the hidden frustrations within all of us).

YAHOO SAYS: “There are six health benefits of kissing, including cleaner teeth and reducing stress.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “You can accomplish this with the right amount of toothpaste and over-the-counter drugs, there is no need to try and find another person.”

YAHOO SAYS: “You can watch the ‘Breaking Dawn’ red carpet premier live!”

DAKOTA SAYS: “As if you needed another reminder of how Kristen betrayed Robert. If you see any ‘Dawn’ premier this month, watch the red carpet parade for ‘Red Dawn’, a story about great American heroes.”

YAHOO SAYS: “We have the goods on how Mike D’Antoni will affect Kobe Bryant.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “Who? What? Oh, basketball. When is the traveling rodeo show coming to Albany New York?”

YAHOO SAYS: “Tom Cruise has a son in ‘Red Dawn’.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “I hope he dies in the movie. Also, how many of you can accurately identify Tom Cruise’s son in the picture above?”

YAHOO SAYS: “America has a new supercomputer.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “Not as fast as China’s SECRET supercomputer.”

YAHOO SAYS: “Will Grier is a teenager and he breaks records.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “A great reminder of how many athletes’ lives peak before they are old enough to vote.”

YAHOO SAYS: “Man finds cash windfall in trash bin.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “Not as interesting as when a trash bin finds a man windfall amidst a deadly fight for cash.”

YAHOO SAYS: “Anne Hathaway tried to look dead during Les Mis shooting.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “Good call, when the bullets start flying, it’s best to look like you’ve already been shot. I knew they wanted a grittier Les Mis, but I didn’t read anywhere that they actually armed the students with weapons! I like Anne Hathaway, she’s pretty, she did a great job in ‘Brokeback Mountain’ a film with a dubious message but shot in a great location.”

YAHOO SAYS: “You can hurt yourself at the gym.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “That’s why Aaron stays in bed all day. Haw Haw.”

YAHOO SAYS: “Coach denies slapping incident.”

DAKOTA SAYS: “Coach attests it was actually a spanking.”

Later on in the week: review of “Beer with Jesus.”