What is love?
Is it the most powerful force on Earth? Is it a chemical? Is it the triumph of friendship?
Will robots be capable of love? Were the dinosaurs capable of love?
None of these questions are answered in Loveland, the sculpture park on Jeju that was built as an educational tool for honeymooners on how to show someone you really care.
However, Loveland DOES answer the question, “Can two men love each other?” Observe:
The answer seems to be “No,” but what you can’t see behind the red heart is that these two blue people are not using a condom. Jeju is merely condoning unsafe sex.
You can leave yourself vulnerable to strong emotion, but NEVER leave yourself vulnerable to herpes. It can even affect statues:
I’m ambivalent about love, but pretty cynical about loveland. It’s a pretty silly place, a bizarre collection of “naughty” sculptures that, ironically, seems to be trying to avoid making the customer feel TOO uncomfortable.
You might describe Loveland as “wholesome porn.” Dakota will describe it that way.
I’m a freak. I want live “mannequins.” I want people in costumes. I want to see an experimental approach to sex being put on display. Where’s the loveland gimp? Zeus used to fuck people by coming at them in the guise of animals. Give me that! Give it TO ME! Give it to me Zeus!
The closest we get to a Loveland “ideal” is this lovely diorama of a mermaid and her fishman partner:
At the very least, I’d like to see something more clever. How about a train you can ride into a tunnel?
Instead, Loveland is pretty straightforward (STRAIGHT forward: see above). There’s lots of dicks and lots of vaginas, and although the statues and the landscaping is quite lovely, particularly at night, by the time you get to the gift shop, it’s pretty redundant.
Sex is a mechanical process, as exemplified by the “Terminator Dick”:
But I enjoyed myself. There was lots to explore.
The girls I was with found some things of interest as well:
Notice how I went with other people. You should not go alone to Loveland. People who go to Loveland alone go blind soon after.
This lady’s ass is so big she can support me posing for a picture:
The kissing pigs were one of my favorite sculptures. There are dozens of these atop the light fixtures, scattered around the grounds. 
Despite my criticism, this museum is unique. It is out of place for so many reasons. Most important, this might be the only attraction on Jeju that doesn’t look like shit. Unlike all other museums on Jeju, Loveland doesn’t look abandoned, half-finished, or aimless. There is a layout and everything! If not for the material, this could be an attraction at Disney!
Did I find love? Of course not. It’s hard to find true love, even on Jeju. This week, however, I did find a new place to eat hamburgers. “Burger Trip” in ShinJeju is, like the other handful of real burger joints on the island, decent while still not quite living up to hamburgers back home. It’s a good effort, though, and I’ll probably eat there every other night for the next few months.
The man who lives downstairs scares me. He scares Onya, too. He barks more than Onya. When I was trying to go out yesterday, the man came outside and barked something and Onya just stared and ran behind me as if to say, “that’s okay, I like Aaron better than you.” He wound up chasing Onya back up to my floor. I like you too Onya. 
Finally, I will present here some flash fiction by the new Jeju poet/writer, “SPAK-T.”
INDECENT PROPOSAL
This one time, I went all the way to the mall.
I needed to buy some new hair gel, and there was a big sale at the place where they sell hair gel.
So off I went, to get some cheap ass hair gel, but alas on my way I was stopped by Sid, my rabbit friend.
Sid was always needing something and today he apparently needed to annoy the shit out of me.
Today I had forgotten to take my meds and Sid would not let me alone.
Culture Time 