Loud Noises in My Bedroom (???)

In Korea, if there’s a problem, you tell everyone except the person responsible for the problem.

Yesterday, I had a strange conversation with my boss. He called me in early to tell me that there had been a noise complaint called in to Yale about my apartment. I was keeping the neighbors downstairs up at night, he said.

I mumbled something about playing music and then went about my business.

Today, I came into work and one of my co-workers comes up to me and says that we need to talk immediately, which sounded ominous, although she assured me that I would find it amusing (and life-changing, which it almost was).

When we went for a walk, she asked: “Aaron, is there a woman in your life that you’ve been keeping a secret?”

Me: “Nope.” (sadly)

She: “That’s what I thought. But our bosses came to me and said that they’re extremely embarrassed because your neighbor’s have been complaining that you’re having loud sex every night and they find it very disturbing. They were so embarrassed to tell you directly that they asked me to discuss it with you. They think you might need to move out of your apartment.”

This being Korea, I now imagine this story having travelled around the entire office by now.

Anyway, I laughed and laughed. But within an hour, I was a little annoyed. Not with my bosses, because understandably this is a sensitive issue. It’s a conservative culture here and Yale is a Christian school.

But this loud sex nonsense. If only such a thing were true! However, I’ve had guests over at my apartment exactly once. Also, even if I’d had more frequent company, I don’t make sound effects.

So this came as quite a surprise. I was so confused! How could my neighbors be so confused? What did they think they were hearing?

I conferred a meeting with my bosses and firmly denied having done anything that would damage the reputation of the school, or having done anything remotely related to the complaint. I did, however, request to them to stay in my apartment.

I was PISSED OFF at my neighbors. Why should I leave because THEY were paranoid schizophrenics? Why didn’t they, if this was a problem, speak to ME DIRECTLY instead of calling the school? So I told my bosses that if my neighbors wanted to speak to me, they’d be more than welcome to, through a translator, but I had nothing to be ashamed of.

“Well,” my boss said, “the complaint came from the janitor’s office. They just assumed it was you. Is there another foreigner who lives in your apartment?”

As a matter of fact, there was. A couple (UK and French) lived on the third floor directly below me.

“Ohhhhhhhh,” said my boss. “It’s probably them.”

So the chain of communication went like this. The fourth floor neighbors, who may or may not be insane, but also have never spoken a word to me, contacted the maintenance office/landlord and complained that someone either above or below them (or both) was having loud sex. Then, the landlord, who knew that Yale keeps an apartment there, assumed that it was me, and called up the school. And the school, because they were too ashamed to tell me, told (all my co-workers?) one of my co-workers to talk to me about it.

But to the good news: I can now have all the loud sex I want, and just blame it on the couple downstairs! Hurray!

(coming up soon, another photo dump and hopefully an open mic night this weekend)