Rapper’s Delight

Since I haven’t posted in a few days, I’ll put up the Jeju rap I wrote, which is mostly a rehashing of anecdotes from this blog. I performed it tonight in Jeju city.  It was an amazing success. If you missed it, you can read it below:

My boss says I have a bad reputation,

He says my pink handbag is a culture violation,

He watches me on the CCTV and says my teaching style is a

Permutation of devastation,

I read books in class and I make ‘em do dictation,

I didn’t give them ice cream, that’s cause for termination?

The kids chewing odang breaks my concentration,

I need a vacation,

When I come to this island, I was gonna learn Korean,

They say hangul is easy, you can learn it while your peein,

Three months later, that ain’t what I’m seein,

I can’t stop speaking English, it’s what I got my degree in,

Are we agreein?

I work with only women, I’m the only guy in sight,

My girls, they ain’t the seven dwarfs, but I’m Snow White,

I swear in the office, they say “bitch, be polite!”

If they try to beat me down, I’m gonna put up a fight,

Yeah, that’s right

A woman gives me fruit, I think hey,

Is it my lucky day?

Turns out she’s married to the boss of the café,

No fucking way,

I went to a barber shop, but didn’t get no warning,

I didn’t see no signs that these places are for porning,

I wanted a trimmin’, all they had was naked women,

Maybe I shouldn’t get haircuts at one in the morning,

I live in my apartment but I got no privacy,

Window washers be partyin on my balcony,

And the cleaning lady, she’s got my key!

She opens the door, and she don’t like what she see,

Yeah, it was me.

Jeju, wonder number seven! Fuck yeah that’s ace,

Nothin says natural beauty like a new army base,

But even if you think that’s a big disgrace,

There’s bigger dangers that you need to embrace,

A nastier disaster could take place,

When big Halla mountain,

Ejects a lava fountain,

Or Kim Jung Il sends down a rocket from outer space,

BOOM! IN YOUR FACE!

Is this scene,

a fever dream, that I need to erase?

I want to buy a squid boat just in case,

Okay I’m done.

Within a few days, some pictures from last week, and a brand new toy I bought for six hundred dollars.